Friday, August 2, 2013
So I wasn't sure which blog to post this on, so I will be copying it to both. A year ago I went to the emergency room in Henderson, Nevada for what I thought was minor dehydration, it ended up being the scariest and clarifying night of my life. The doctor told me that I might not make it through the night and that I may drop dead on the plane home the next day. I was there alone. Six months before that I was in and out of the hospital dying from malnutrition due to a dead gallbladder that went undiagnosed for three months. The last time I went in they didn't think I had much longer because I couldn't even drink water and lost 30 lbs across the three months with about 10-20 mainly in the last month. I felt like death, I felt how close I was and most of the time I was alone in that as well. In the past year I have recovered to an extent, I do have permanent damage from the misdiagnosis and my heart problem will never be gone, but I am so grateful and thankful for the doctors and nurses who were there for me. I am sitting here with my pacer now, hoping it will fix some of the residual issues, but it will never be a guarantee. I can tell you though that I am so thankful that I wake up every single day and face the challenges that life puts in front of me. It has never been easy and some days are really a struggle for me to keep fighting, but there is no way I am giving up. With all the ups and downs I have in life I will always be grateful for every day that I am able to tell my son I love him, enjoy the weather, take a breath, even if I can't really eat much, be able to eat some delicious food, spend time with all the people I love around me. Death and the threat of it puts what is important in life into perspective. It isn't anything I would wish on anyone, my health life has been miserable, it is painful and you lose complete control, but I feel like it was the most humbling experience of my life. Life is finite, if you don't love and live your life like any day will be your last, you will miss out on all the best things in life. I choose not to be negative or miserable anymore, I choose to enjoy the life God gave me and live it to the fullest. Take pleasure and joy in everyday because you never know when you all of a sudden lose an organ to death, your heart suddenly fails, I never ever expected these things in life, but they did happen and helped me immensely. Love everyone as much as possible, find the good in life and not the bad, do things you were always afraid to do because that opportunity, that person or you could be gone in an instant. Life is short and finite, not everyone lives to be 90, I am part bionic now and I wouldn't have it any other way because it helps me live to see another day, love another person and cherish every single moment.